It has all been said and said again, Kim is pretty but she has a fat ass, one looks like an ogre, the mother is a controlling, sociopathic wench and they all talk like they are addressing a five year old who just fell out of its car seat onto the freeway. We all end every mindless lunchtime or cigarette break chat about them with the same sentence:
"Ugh, I wish they would just go away."
This is what all of you need to understand, once and for all: If you keep TALKING about the Kardashians, they won't GO AWAY. So the next time you want to talk about how useless they are because of their periodic relevance stunts like "domestic abuse" or "failed marriages" bear in mind you are just buying into the brand by discussing it.
To clarify, Kim Kardashian's "sex tape" was filmed on a fucking Hollywood sound stage, her "marriage" was clearly a publicity stunt meant to pump a renewed sense of life into the brand after the show began to get stale, and the 8 other spinoffs they had also got stale. Their combinations of family spinoffs was more or less decided like the fruits in a motherfucking slot machine, so people got tired. Now what? I know! A wedding!
And Kim Kardashian is not going to marry Kanye West. Or maybe she will. Who cares. The point is that Kim Kardashian is a succubus and Kanye West is a homosexual man who dresses like he lives off the Broadway Junction stop in Brooklyn.
The more all of you, the peasants, pay attention to them, the more they are going to come out with brands of spandex, housewares, eyelashes, cooking knives, mustache waxing kits, tear-duct regenerators, self-colonic machines, and lactating machines.
So do yourself and us all a favor one last time, please, and that is to act like they are T-Rex's from Jurassic Park - if you don't acknowledge them and just stay still, they won't see you, and they will go away.
And my one apology?
That I had to discuss them now.
