in college you have a bubble in which to socialize, drink, and completely incapacitate yourself knowing that you have friends who will take care of you and your bed is merely feet away no matter where you are.

therefore it is utterly acceptable if not glamorous to lead the life of a lush, a libertine...

once you are outside of this, it is of the utmost importance to change these ways. in the city, there are beds close by, but they arent yours... there are friends, but they will come and go...

the real world is a place of disease and pestilence, police officers and murder and perverts and freaks... if one acts like a college student in this environment they will quickly be eaten alive.

i speak not as someone who has been eaten alive, but as someone who almost was.

mosy

my grandfather gave me some sexy painkillers when i requested some aspirin for my headache.

brendan and i are going swimming later, then i have to go to happy hour at Tribe.

i have yet to locate my grandfather's song in "Kingdom" but my assignment for the weekend is to do just that.

It is 73 degrees in Nashville.

I have tons of important shopping, appointments, and preparations to undertake this weekend.

I have a matter of days.


make me beautiful.

on my way to purchase some pomade this afternoon, it was a typical day in the city.

i was listening to timbaland in my sexy chevy geo prizm, circa 1994, and in front of me...

A CAR FLIPPED INTO THE AIR AND LANDED ON ITS ROOF


in a mcdonalds parking lot.

it was certainly one of the scariest things i have ever seen. i dont know what caused it, as that i rarely pay attention to much of anything whilst cruising through town.

the above picture is a bit of an overdramatization buttt

what do you expect.



i freaked out the desk lady at the store because i asked her if she had any hand sanitizer behind the counter, claiming that i had a wet, sticky substance on my hand all of a sudden and i feared that i was infected with Hepatitis-C.

she said "i hope not," as vacuously as possible.


i think i will go swimming tonight.

we'll dance around

after lunch at On the Edge, having eaten a salad with an unidentifiable blood-like dressing and talking with a pink haired drug addict named heather..

i got a call. the reception was poor.

it was Him.

"pick up some fly swatters. sony is coming over for a meeting."

because my questions and tales of incompetence are not usually welcome, i went to the store and got some fly swatters.

i walked back into the office. there were three men in gucci suits sitting around my grandfather's desk. i slapped the company card and two fly swatters down on the desk, and he looked up at me in confusion and terror.

"joshua?"

"yah?" i said

"what the hell are those?"

"fly swatters~"

"i said ICE WATERS. i need ICE - WATERS for my meeting with these gentlemen. they cant really drink these fly swatters now, can they?"

"no," i said stupidly.

one of the fat ones said "well we CAN TRY!!" and erupted into greasy laughter.

ICE WATER
FLY SWATTER

say them out loud one after the other. now imagine a cell phone in the mix. work it out.



thats hot.


i then went to a bar three blocks later and proceeded to drink two gin and tonics and listen to the bartender tell me about her divorce.

nonfat skim latte

the sky was still dark when I rolled my worthless ass out of bed this morning at 5:30 a.m. During my time at Hendrix, I was often not even in bed yet at that time.

I walked all over St. Thomas Medical Center today trying to find a fucking latte and about three miles down a hallway, past several invalids with wheel chairs and unexplained eye patches, I finally found one. And it burned the shit out of my mouth and I wanted to stab someone.

My grandfather is wildly irritable and it is making my shoulder muscles extremely tense. I have a massage scheduled for Friday but I honestly think I might choke a bitch before that happens.

I have several purchases to make and things to take care of in the coming week.



i have some tricks up my sleeve


just you wait.



bitches.

oh the humanity

1:35 p.m.

I avoid Metro Center at all costs.

I was sent to the Starlite Club on Dickerson Pike and told to talk to Jerry. As usual, I was not told why and answers to my questions had no place on the agenda of those in power.

Jerry was wearing a button-up shirt with too many stripes, and I will bet a sizeable sum that the tag probably said Dockers. He gave me a fat envelope and I left.


I walked into a trashy convenience store and got pissed off because I was reminded how trashy convenience stores never carry Vitamin water, knowing it was because the people that go in there simply want to buy a Bud Light and a Powerball ticket.

Some trife crackmouth said to me at checkout, "Thems some niice sunglasses yew got on."

"I know," I said, and walked out.

I dont know why, but once again humanity has made me lose my appetite and I can no longer eat my lunch goodbye

it can be pretty, sometimes.

the eye doctor this morning was a 7:30 a.m. appointment. i dont think i have ever woken up that early for anything in my entire life.

i had to put ice cubes under my eyes and several gobs of firming cream to get the early-morning-swelling to go down. it was sick i wanted to die.

the nurse at the doctor was a tanorexic lady with a fat rock on her hand and a polka dotted belt. she had a noticeable spray tan, and the fluorescent lights werent terribly kind. doesnt she realize that if her tan is thaaat fake, she cant be working in an environment with fluorescent lighting. it is extremely unattractive and unflattering for everyone.


see danny, i was listening~

whatever i'm over it

the valley baked today in the summer sun, which has stuck around for a limited engagement.

two of my Vaintenance appointments got cancelled today, and i was pissed off.


i'm a movie star god dammit

god these people.



i have a few weeks.

I went over to Ally White's house last night and we looked at pictures of her back when she was way skinny and bulimic.

Then I went home and watched an episode of the X-Files that I remember seeing when it first aired on TV in 1995.

Some bitch at the gas station today was being extremely bossy with me when I was trying to fill up, and made me wait 10 fucking minutes before she flipped the pump on.

I said, "Well think you for being so incredibly sweet and kind about it," sarcastically.

I wanted to tell her that middle age bouffants went out of style in 1966, but I refrained and went on my sick little way.



all the people want to know your name
soon there will be lines outside your door
feelings do not matter in your game
yeah, cuz nothing's gonna touch you anymore

I bought a pair of Diors today

it is often best to say nothing, and look like you are thinking something, rather than say something completely dumb.

thumper had it right, in some cases. the delicious urge to open your mouth and spread your charisma, no matter how toxic, however, is still quite the vice.

a sense of unsettled urgency accompanies the onset of fall in Music City. I feel like something is needing to happen.

My life has settled into a temporary repose.



they are starting to know me as a regular on the party circuit. and we're talking in the city, not a small college campus.

yikes.

therefore, my evening regimens of disillusionment and long island iced tea have been waning into exercise, reading, and green tea.

probably for the best.





plastic is preservable, and durable... but ultimately very cheap.

Miss Midwest Midnight Checkout Queen

Last night, chilly, Nashville, Tennessee.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch, at the Belcourt. Hedwig climbed on me in the front row.

Afterward, dined at Flyte with Jessica Turk and her mother and had a delicious piece of salmon.

Couldn't wait to get home and strip every bracelet off of my arm, take off all my clothes, and stare at the ceiling.

Tomorrow I must wake up at 7:30. I have to do an impression of Steve Howe for 160 people, eat a light breakfast, and then get to the other side of town to tell an online downloading company that we are suing them.

I want an apple with SmarterChoice lowfat peanut butter.

And I want it now.